The draft law on prevention of domestic violence does not imply the horrors described by our compatriots, who have not read the project but have heard something about it from somewhere. In particular, it does not say anything about the deprivation of parental rights. The necessity of the law is conditioned by the fact that domestic violence, as opposed to other forms of violence, is often left latent, hidden: victims do not speak out about the crimes committed against them for various reasons (primarily out of fear and under the pressure of public opinion). The law gives the victims the opportunity, the right to defend themselves. If they don’t want to be protected, if they want to be beaten and raped, and believe that this is the “foundation of a traditional Armenian family”, then no law will apply to them.
But I would like not to limit myself to reporting those simple truths, but to try to understand the phenomenon of domestic violence at its depth. The problem of most Armenian and not only Armenian men is that their attitude, in particular, to family members, is conditioned by the extent to which the children and the wife fit into their preconceived ideas of a “good child” or a “good wife”, and by how far the latter justify their expectations. Their itch to “control the situation”, the motive to reshape and “to discipline” people according to their ideals emerge from this. And if the wives and children do not do what these men think must be done, this gives rise to conflicts which may bring also to violence.
Of course, most women also have the desire to control the others (human “ego” has no sexual characteristics). But the whole problem is that men in Armenia, as a rule, will not tolerate being beaten, even if they have done something “wrong”, but women or children tolerate, conceal it, and even consider it normal.
Public usually does not support a victim of domestic violence, showing obvious heartlessness: “if she was beaten, then she had done something wrong”. Or even worse: “isn’t it shameful to make the whole world know about your relationship with your husband?”, “he is a man, of course, he will both beat and love, what’s the problem?”, “that is your cross to bear”. There is no shorter way to destroy a family.
Aram ABRAHAMYAN
